pain in my neck
convulsive muscles from convulsive thoughts
it’s all in my mind
old layers of fear
the headache burst
tells me old patterns are fighting
fighting to stay alive in the base of my mind
fighting to be the winner
fighting to be the best
afraid of being the loser
my patterns are my blind warrior
he fights to hide the devastating feeling
of always feeling inferior
fights his destruction
fights until he dies
I know I can choose to keep him alive
by follow his instructions
or leave him and let him fight
his own fight of fear
he’s a clever one
he can trick me to rule me
he’s been with me from my childhood
has become a dangerous habit
from my culture where mind is the master
when he rules me
I’m always on guard
always in self-defence
doing all I can to fight and hurt others
always find a reason to fight
even fight only for fighting
‘cause I have to fight to cover my wounds
cover my everlasting pain
of feeling life is miserable
fight fight fight
it gives me release
I have to fight
no one shall discover my terrible wounds
no one shall see how I cry inside
crying of despair of feeling small
feeling being a nobody
never taken seriously
never listened to
I’ll show everyone that I’m something
that I’m worthy being listened to
I will show the world
I’m something great
see me hear me I’m valuable
those who don’t give me attention
I will smash and kill
I’m wild of violence
and I will beat and rape and destroy
annihilate all of you
if you try to make me invisible and worthless
I will strangle you slowly
so you can feel how I suffer
so you can feel how I feel to be strangled by you
‘cause you strangle me when you make me inferior
I will do to you
what you do to me
you can call it revenge
but it’s not
it’s just the law of nature
what you give out
you get back
what you give me
I give you back
when you fight me I fight you
I fight you ‘cause you make me feel pain
I fight everyone who makes me feel pain
that’s the law of the nature
the eternal circle of fear tells
when fear is the cause
of action
action causes fear