once

when I was very happy

I tripped over my own feet

and fell with my face into dogshit

in the street

it was hopeless to get angry at the dog

it was gone

instead I got angry at myself

and dogshit tastes disgusting

my computer breaks down

when I try to write poems

my computer is like a living person

it knows my deep intentions for being a poet

and my emotional needs for expression

it cuts off immediately

when I start to write from the depths

of my heart

maybe people don’t like me

I try to smile to everyone I meet in the streets

but no one smiles to me

they just look at me in a peculiar way

I don’t dare to look angry ‘cause then I know

for sure

no one will smile to me

I don’t know how I shall look at people

dogs are angry at me and cats hiss when they see me

mice run away

but that’s natural

I try to meditate to be relaxed

get peace and harmony inside

but every time I sit down and close my eyes

I fall asleep

and fall off the chair

what if it happens

all the worst I fear most

what if it happens

everything that shouldn’t happen

what if it doesn’t happen

if all I yearn for goes wrong

then what